I don’t know what to do. My whole heart is disjointed. God, it doesn’t work anymore. It beats backwards to a song that makes me weep. Its stitches are unraveling and my memories and thoughts are getting tangled and stained from all of this rotted love and time. And the truly sad part is that I don’t want to move forward anymore. Even the light has rejected me.
Remember what happiness tastes like? I know the feeling of it. I am starving for it. I know when I am supposed to feel it, but now the space is filled with blankness. I don’t even feel like I am here. My words are melting and evaporating. Soon they will fall with the rain.
Where did all of the meaning go?
Beauty, come and devour me.
And I just want to look out the window so I can see the storm, but I am too stuck to push away the blue curtains. I can hear the distant thunder. Why does everything remind me of you? The rain just started kissing my window. What is it telling me? The things you never could? Truth falls like salt from a shaker. Drown me, please. I have gathered all of the proof but I don’t need to prove anything anymore. My love is worthless. Let me feel something honest.
I remember when I pressed you against the wall. You told me you were imaginary. But I could never dream up a concoction so real or perfect. I am trying to find you where you are hiding inside of me. Sometimes I think I keep you there because I don’t recognize myself without you. Isn’t that terrible?
What have I been subtracted to?
Two shadows press their faces together in a doorway.
There is no room for me anymore, but i still sleep close by. You will always be the space like the distance between cars that I can't fit through, and even if i try, i am sure to get in a collision.
Love, Anna
Rewound
P.s.- sorry about the melancholy nature of it. I am really not too sad. I am just so tired and i cant go back to sleep. I just like to write.
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